


when you're gone

by keepthekettleon



Series: Post 2x18 Malec Feels [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (mostly) Canon Compliant, Drabble Collection, Drabbles, Ficlets, I know it's not a breakup, M/M, Malec breakup, Songfic, based on my Malec Pain Playlist, mostly angst, mostly post 2x18, some of the drabbles might still treat it as one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 22:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepthekettleon/pseuds/keepthekettleon
Summary: Short, song-based drabbles, ficlets, prompts etc.All about Malec and what happened in 2x17 and 2x18. Prepare for angst.-----------“I love you, Magnus.” He truly does. Love is what binds them together. And Magnus says it back. They’re alright again. And then they aren’t. Magnus walks away. Despite their love, despite everything that there is between them, despite everything that they both have just acknowledged that there is, Magnus still walks away. And Alec breaks. it’s only tiny cracks on the surface at first, but they appear faster and faster, until it feels like the only thing he can do is wrap his arms around himself and try to hold himself up, before he crashes into a thousand pieces.-----------





	1. where's my love

**Author's Note:**

> You can find my Malec Pain Playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jael-or-not/playlist/7qZCVTpSa7ToyjgS3cnTw3) and a playlist with more, slightly canon divergent songs [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jael-or-not/playlist/6Hk5zNOsZzktWMbgLwh1rp). 
> 
> If you have a specific song you would want me to do from those playlists, drop a comment down below, I'll try to do those songs first then. Now go, read and cry your hearts out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec both spend the night alone in seperate beds... missing each other
> 
> Song: Where's My Love - Syml

_Cold sheets, but where’s my love?_

Magnus tosses and turns in his bed. It’s too big for just him. And he’s missing the familiar warmth of another body pressed up against him, he’s missing the strong arms wrapped around him and he’s missing the hot breath on his shoulder as they fall asleep.

_Cold sheets, but where’s my love?_

Alec curls up, trying to fit his feet under the blanket that’s just a bit too small and cradles his pillow. The mattress is too hard, too uncomfortable, too used, too old. He misses Magnus’ big, soft bed, the pillow in his arms only a poor substitute to Magnus’ warm body, giving no warmth and only heated up by Alec’s own body heat. He misses the soft sighs whenever his breath brushed Magnus’ neck.

_come back home_

This loft had been home for a very long time, but now, with Alec missing, it feels like nothing more than what it originally was. A loft. Nothing more. Because home is no longer a place. His home has become a person. And that person is gone.

_just come home_


	2. six degrees of separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries to deal with Magnus leaving... and fails miserably. Plus, Catarina.
> 
> Song: Six Degrees of Separation - The Script

_First, you think the worst is a broken heart_

“Magnus!” Alec calls out, but trails off halfway through the name. He broke Magnus’ trust. He’s aware of that. And Magnus has already been broken so much in the last weeks that there’s nothing more that he can say right now to make it better. Maybe that’s it. Maybe this is the end. And he’s not ready for that. But the tears come anyways. He’s fucked up, again. How many times can he fuck up before Magnus decides it’s not worth it anymore?

_what’s gonna kill you is the second part_

He has to. He has to go and get Magnus. Because Max is dying. He needs Magnus. And Magnus shuts the door in his face. Maybe he didn’t deserve it any better. But this isn’t about him, this is about his brother. So he puts his foot in the door. For a second, anger flares up in Magnus eyes. “It’s Max.” Magnus comes with him, but it’s all for Max. No longer for Alec.

_and the third is when your world splits down the middle_

There’s nothing more he can do other than apologize. And fight. Make Magnus remember why they’re still together, how they always, ALWAYS manage to work through everything life throws at them. “I love you, Magnus.” He truly does. Love is what binds them together. And Magnus says it back. They’re alright again. And then they aren’t. Magnus walks away. Despite their love, despite everything that there is between them, despite everything that they both have just acknowledged that there is, Magnus still walks away. And Alec breaks. it’s only tiny cracks on the surface at first, but they appear faster and faster, until it feels like the only thing he can do is wrap his arms around himself and try to hold himself up, before he crashes into a thousand pieces.

_fourth, you gonna think that you’ve fixed yourself_

Work. There’s a war about to break loose, right in front of their doorstep. That’s all the reason Alec needs to throw himself into work. And it seems to work. He almost forgets about his bleeding heart.

_fifth, you see them out with someone else_

It’s the Meeting with the Downworld that changes everything again. Alec’s so deeply buried in trying to find Valentine, that he doesn’t get to really think about it until it’s time. Magnus doesn’t show. It’s clear to everyone that this might just be the last time they talk. And Magnus doesn’t show. Meliorn doesn’t show either. Luke tells them what happened at the Seelie Court and everyone realizes what that means. Magnus has chosen a side. And it’s not the side Alec is on. Alec holds himself together until the meeting is over. As soon as Raphael is out the door, the tears come.

_and the sixth is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little_

“A warlock wants to talk to you.” Alec can’t help that the spark of hope blooms in his chest at Raj’s words. But it isn’t Magnus who enters. It’s his best friend. Catarina Loss. She must see the tears that stain his face.

She ignores them.

They talk and Alec realizes that she’s here as a warlock representative. What that means regarding Magnus, Alec doesn’t dare to ask. Catarina also carefully skirts around anything involving Magnus. But one thing is clear. He doesn’t want to see Alec, under any circumstances. Catarina leaves and once again, Alec is left to his own thoughts.

There’s no making this right. There’s no finding back to each other.

This war has irrevocably destroyed whatever it was that they once had. Given the chance, Alec would turn back time in a moment. But he can’t. Something’s broken here and he’s the one that broke it.

_You’d take them back, no hesitation, that’s when you know you’ve reached the sixth degree of separation._

**Author's Note:**

> You can find my Malec Pain Playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jael-or-not/playlist/7qZCVTpSa7ToyjgS3cnTw3) and a playlist with more, slightly canon divergent songs [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jael-or-not/playlist/6Hk5zNOsZzktWMbgLwh1rp). 
> 
> If you have a specific song you would want me to do from those playlists, drop a comment down below, I'll try to do those songs first.


End file.
